Saturday, 5 May 2012

26. Never Say Never...

Having never done my OE (overseas experience) or “year out” when I was younger, perhaps the moral to this particular story is that it is never too late. Don’t give up on your dreams or say ‘never’. I have never heard of anyone on their deathbed saying “I wish I had worked harder” but maybe regret not to have taken some risks or changed things that society would deem “desirable”.
Where do I start when talking about the past ten and half months?  So many memories still make me smile and many can’t be conveyed in simple words (or at least not mine).  I have flashbacks of :
·         Why one should never get into a hot tub at 480C or more

·         Those little waves that can cause havoc when doing a little sea kayaking

·         Don’t stop to help a lonely bison on the side of the road

·         Wear body armour when downhill mountain biking

·         If you are unfortunate enough to hit an animal in Western Canada whilst driving, chances are it’s going to be bigger than a squirrel!

·         That only in Canada will a moose be found to play in the “pow”

·         There are definitely no friends on a “powder day” (read also “boyfriends”)!!
…and you think this has covered my bucket list? Think again. It’s a work in progress and not getting shorter. Contrary to popular belief I still consider the world to be a pretty big place and have found new things I want to try. Meeting new people and getting out of a routine life simply generated new ideas. So check out some of my new plans (although some may have to wait a while):
·         Run a marathon (probably Kelowna October 2012)

·         Compete in the Canadian indoor rowing champs (2013?)

·         Taste the steak, drink the wine and smash the pow in South America (next sabbatical?)

·         Hike the Himalayas and Pyrenees (maybe not “back to back”)

·         Snowboard Revelstoke and Jackson Hole mountains

·         Camp out at Glastonbury music festival

·         Cycle the wine region in France (maybe do some wine tasting along the way)
Taking the plunge to leave behind a “well paid” job in which I had been happy and had made many friends over a period of 12 years was a scary and sad experience. However, in addition to all of the fun times that I gained, it also helped me grow as a person – not height, silly!  At the risk of sounding self-righteous, having made such a change in my life has given me the confidence to make decisions and turn ideas into actions faster. I used to be a lot more cautious. On the downside I have also gotten a whole lot less tolerant of things that annoy me. One example which immediately springs to mind is that typical British trait of meaningless insincere pleasantries. It really winds me up when someone says “let’s do lunch” and has no intention to commit to a specific date and time. Oh boy, have I turned ‘German’? ;-)
The past few months, and now moving to Canada, continue to teach me that the materialistic world in which we live really counts for very little in the big scheme of things. Yes of course I had the image at one stage when living in a new country that I would be wearing the latest “designer” gear, driving a big Audi and living in a fancy waterside apartment. I won’t because I want to have time to play and do what really makes me happy.  What matters the most is that I have time to be me and the future is not determined by anyone else, that I have a loving caring relationship with the most amazing person I have ever met and we are both lucky enough to be fit and healthy. So, bring on the future - not my next shopping trip!
Words cannot describe what a wild experience these past few months have been, indeed it has been the “ride of my life”, but my advice is to live life to the full, with no regrets, and never say “never”…

Tuesday, 10 April 2012

25. Fernie......The Final Frontier

Here it is folks the grand finale of my sabbatical.......drum roll please......whoop whoop!!  Even after so many amazing adventures and experiences this is what we had been counting down to!  We had arrrived in our final destination.  The place where we would be spending the next 4 months perfecting the skill of being snowboard "bums".  We were both so excited!  We were going to spend the whole ski season in Fernie, British Columbia, a place famed for its great terrain and "champagne powder".

Svan had previously spent 6 weeks in Fernie during the 2008/09 season where she had completed a training program called “Master The Mountain” ("MTM") run by a British company called “Nonstop” (http://www.nonstopsnow.com/holidays-and-camps/mtm-6-week-off-piste-camp).   Over a period of 6 weeks the course teaches you how to ride in all sorts of different terrain coupled with improving your skills and style - basically to add to your enjoyment wherever you may be on the mountain right through to the so-called "back country" (remote areas which are ungroomed, unpisted, unpatrolled and where there are definitely no ski lifts!).  

Sadly I hadn’t been able to join her on that trip as a result of work commitments, but I planned to make up for it this time by spending the whole season with her “shredding pow” (more about that later).  Svan had had a great time that year inspite of a comparatively poor season of snow.  Our friend Freya on the other hand had been lucky enough to be in Fernie for the 2010/11 season which by all accounts had been one of those “epic” seasons! The snowfall that year had been even more than the average of 11 metres thanks largely to the weather phenomenon known as “La Niña” (where cooler temperatures in the Pacific Ocean result in well above average snowfall).  We kept our fingers crossed (well everything actually) for another year of “La Niña” and not of “La Svan” as the 2008/09 had come to be remembered for some reason?? :)

Christmas eve with Kat and Liz

Christmas Day on the mountain!
New Year's Day in Fernie!
Having spent several New Year's in Val Thorens in the French Alps with Svan in the past this was the first year that we had spent both Christmas and New Year's in the mountains together, and oh boy was it great!

Snowboarding– the lingo for beginners…

Over the years snowboarding has developed a language or lingo all of its own. When spoken correctly by the right people it can make them seem “supercool”. However, it can take many years to master and if spoken or used incorrectly can result in ridicule!
Being in this environment for a whole season does mean that a few of the phrases do start slipping into your everyday language. Certainly I have found myself using “shredding”and “freshies” a lot....these words just feel so right! Some of my favourites that I have heard during the season:
  • shredding (cutting fresh lines in new snow)
  • run (taking a path or line down the mountain, normally via the piste)
  • smashing (see “shredding” above)
  • sending it (the act of jumping off a cliff or large rock…..or so I hear)
  • switch run of the day (a designated piste where as a snowboarder you ride opposite to your usual stance, ie for "regular" rider (left foot forward) you ride right foot forward)
  • pow or pow pow (fresh powder)
  • freshies (making fresh tracks)
  • powder fever (reckless behaviour brought on by over exposure to fresh pow)
  • dropping (starting an awesome line)
  • gnarly (tricky or difficult)
  • face shots (fresh powder spraying up into the face whilst riding, can result in breathlessness)
  • steazy (performing a trick with both “style”and “ease”……apparently)
  • sick (the opposite of feeling unwell)
  • jibbing (to perform manoeuvres on obstacles) 
  • conshredulations (you have just ridden a nice line)
Warnings…
  • Overuse of the above can make you sound pretty dumb, verging on “neanderlothic” eg let’s smash some “pow pow” before “chow chow”…need I say more?
  • There are definitely “no friends on a powder day”!! :)
The Polar Peak...

There was much hype and publicity by RCR (the ski resort's owners) in the days and weeks building up to the opening of the new "Polar Peak" chair lift, which would provide access to the highest points in the resort and lots of new terrain.

At the opening of the Polar Peak chair lift on 14 January

I now know why it is not always a good idea to be the first to do something, like for example to be on the maiden voyage of a new boat, a new aeroplane, or in our case a new chair lift!  There was must publicity and excitement around the mountain at the opening of their new chair lift, which the ski hill owners believed would open up much new terrain and bring in many new visitors. We happened to be riding past at the advertised opening time and the queue did not look that long, so we thought......."why not?"  There was certainly a buzz in the queue and the staff were handing out stickers and taking people's photos as the announcer proceeded with the countdown over the PA system.  I did happen to hear one member of staff say that he would be waiting to ride the new lift until it was a "bluebird" day, but thought he just had sour grapes because he wouldn't be among the lucky enough to ride the new lift that day!  The new lift had a vertical gain of 250m taking you up to the highest point in the resort at 2134m.  It's amazing how conditions can change so much in the space of a mere 250m!  It seemed that the lift was also taking us into some pretty exposed areas, and what had seemed like a breeze down below now felt like a gale! And then the lift stopped.......and did not start again.  We hunched over protecting our faces from the wind.  After the first 5 minutes this wasn't funny any more.  I thought about the ski movie 'Frozen' where 3 skiiers get stuck on a lift..... there was a blizzard involved, jumping from a great height, wolves and needless to say not a happy ending!  Seven or eight minutes must have passed which felt more like twenty, but eventually it did start and we did get down.  Once we had negotiated the treacherous route down on ice with low visibility and high winds we found out later that the lift was only open for a total of 12 minutes and in that time someone had managed to either badly twist a knee or break their leg during their descent. It seems we were the lucky ones and ultimately that guy who mentioned "bluebird" days may just have had a point.....a few days later we were lucky enough to be around on such a day.....




The photos above are from Friday 3rd February.  This day saw what is called an "inversion" ie warmer air above colder.  This resulted in these spectacular views from Polar Peak where surrounding peaks appeared like islands through the clouds caught in the sunshine.  We certainly forgot about riding that day and just enjoyed the views.  Even the ski patrollers pulled out their arm chairs to enjoy the vistas on that day.  Whilst one went to grab a coffee (or at least that's what she said) Svan jumped in his chair and used poor instructor Benji as a footstool!  I can honestly say that the views that day were some of the most amazing I have ever seen!  Thank heavens the lift was working that day! :)

Avalanche Training

An important part of the MTM course was our avalanche training.  This gave us some understanding of the risks of travelling in the backcountry.


Back country touring
Our "splitboards" complete with ski poles

Our back country touring guide Steve Kuijt



Me with Matt performing the act of "de-skinning" our splitboards
Steve leading the way to the top of Mammoth Head

The “Boulder Hut” is an authentic back country skiing/splitboarding adventure set in the Purcell Mountains of South East BC.  This had been arranged by Nonstop and was a part of our “Master The Mountain” program.  To get there required a 90 minute coach trip to the neighbouring town of Kimberley to enable us to take the 10 minute helicopter ride to the hut (I had never actually been in a helicopter before!)

6am start to get to Kimberley to catch a helicopter ride
Before flying out..
This was my first helicopter flight so I guess I was a little excited...

When Svan first told me about this place 3 years ago I have to admit that the idea of spending up to 90 minutes “hiking” uphill for a 300 or 400 metre run down (taking less than a minute) did not exactly appeal! At the time I was still very partial to the concept of chair lifts! However, after two practise days with guide Steve Kuijt touring the “Lost Boys” area accessed from the main Fernie ski resort I was sold! On a beautiful day hiking up enjoying the views and the peace of the mountains is actually an amazing experience and the ride down is the icing on the cake. All in all there is nothing better! I have to say that the “splitboards” themselves that us snowboarders have to use are a weird contraption! As the name suggests they are basically a normal snowboard “sawn” in half which have special movable bindings into which to strap your boots, imagine if you will 2 hockey pucks and a sliding metal plate with holding pin on each side. Trust me putting these things together in the warmth of your front room is tricky enough let alone with cold hands and fingers on a mountain! Not forgetting of course that if you are not careful you can easily get the whole set up the wrong way round. Oh the skiiers had it so much easier! Onto your splitboards or skis you then have to stick what are referred to as “skins” (dating back to when animal skins were actually used) but what now look more like strips of carpet which are smooth when brushed one way and rough the other.  

When we first arrived at the hut we got to see first-hand where we would be spending the next four days, to meet our warm hosts Mark, Sarah and their children Grace and Aldon, together with their big white fluffy dog called Rosie. When we arrived it was snowing super heavily, so much so that our tracks from the helicopter to the hut were soon filled in. It was only during the next four days spent with these back country professionals that I became familiar with the technical terms for levels of snowfall. I now know that they can be graded on the following 5 point scale thus:
1. Flurries
2. Snowing
3. Dumpin’
4. Pukin’
5. Nukin’  (This is where it snows so hard that by the time you come back from the outhouse your footsteps have been filled in.  Where snowboarding is concerned, I am now a huge fan of "nukin' snow")
After a re-cap of our avalanche training we set off for a couple of hours of touring and getting to find out what the 65cm of fresh snow would be like to play in, accompanied by Mark and our other guide Ben. Ben gave us our first introduction to his favourite saying on the way up that afternoon whereby he would shout "I say SMASH, you say...." to which we were required to yell back “POW!”. This probably sounds really dumb and stupid and like we were pretending to be boyscouts or something.  That first afternoon saw us only manage one long run, but what a run it was, with face shots on every turn in beautiful fluffy champagne pow. I had never ridden in anything like it!  From then on “I say smash…..you say...POW"  became our mantra!  It was as surreal as it was infectious, and trust me it doesn't seem nearly as silly when you are in a playground of amazing snow!

Nukin' 65cm on Day 1 as we arrived!
Getting ready for action, joining together my splitboard
Many thanks to James for these amazing photos of us riding. He couldn't believe that in every photo Svan had a huge smile on her face (notice also the "face shots") Posed? No, of course not!  It's because snowboarding makes her happy!

Sledding on our last day when we were snowed in!  The luge track was designed using German engineering but built with British labour! 

What an amazing four days, including some of the best runs of my life, and by hiking up we earned every one.  On the way back to Fernie Svan and I agreed that we didn't know when but one day we would be back.....and next time we would remember to take our snorkels!

Kicking Horse (KH)

Our three day trip to see Katherine in KH with Liz at the beginning of March saw us luck out and be there for their best conditions of the season up to that point!  With a cool 30cm of fresh how lucky were we?!? :)


One of the many hazards faced on the hill....potentially "death by skiier"!!
Svan shredding the Feuz Bowl! (Our favourite spot on the whole mountain)
Sending it!
Other highlights...

Some other highlights from the trip include:

Fernie Ghostriders beating local rivals Kimberley Dynamite 5-4 after trailing 0-3. Great game!

Margaritas with Freya and Christy at El Guapo (clearly no signs of goggle tans!)
Svan "synchronised" snowboarding with Leigh
A couple of mini-movies from the trip.... 

The first, "The Story So Far", shows some great views from the Polar Peak on the day of the "inversion" plus some highlights from the Boulder Hut trip amongst others.  The second, "Finale" basically shows us goofing around and just having fun during the final few weeks of our stay.  It also includes footage from some of the closing events such as the "Dummy Downhill", "Hot Dog Day", the "Slush Cup" and even Svan and I riding in our 80's onesies!

The Story So Far: http://youtu.be/v7MU80PUHRU

Finale: http://youtu.be/QMa2G38m4sg

That's It That's All

If it wasn’t for the fact that it stopped snowing and the ski hill actually closed we would still love to be in Fernie!  We just didn’t want the season to end!  Just thinking back on these amazing times, brings a huge smile to my face.  I use “amazing” because I have run out of superlatives to describe how awesome it was. Sure there were one or two slow and even sad days at the end of season, but overall I lost count of the number of days where words like “epic” and “awesome” were used.  The locals at the resort even gave the two largest “dumps” of the season their own names, “Champagne Tuesday” (fresh snow: 80cm+) and “Super Sunday” (fresh snow: 40cm+).  For me these weren’t even the best days!  My favourite days of the whole season occurred whilst we were away at our four day trip to the Boulder Hut. Here the snow was so light that a breath of wind would blow it from the palm of your hand, and the riding was simply unbeatable!  How lucky were we?! We truly "lucked out", how will we ever be satisfied with simple "European" piste riding again??


I know that these times as a snowboard “bum” were some of the happiest of my life, and Fernie with its warm welcoming locals (some now good friends), great mountain and champagne powder will always hold a special place in my heart!  I don't know when, but Fernie we will be back......
For those of you that have followed my adventures over the past months I will make one final blog posting over the next couple of weeks on what it has meant to me having the courage to take the plunge and take a sabbatical, but with careful planning how this has turned out to be the ride of my life......   


Sunday, 18 December 2011

24. Back in the UK

This return back to the UK, after 5 months "on the road", was planned to give me the chance to spend time with Mum, to catch up with friends and to sort out one or two domestic matters (I won't bore you with the details!)  Fitting everything in to just one week was going to prove my biggest challenge!

With Mum's Birthday and Christmas falling together I had booked tickets to take her to see the show "Jersey Boys" in London. Bad weather had prevented her from seeing the show the year before.  Jersey Boys tells the story of Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons, and with songs like "Sherry", "Walk Like A Man" and "Oh What A Night" I knew my Mum would love the music.  This combined with a great story and stage show have resulted in it winning many top awards!  
We both loved the show, and combined with a great lunch with Freya in Pimlico before, it made for a perfect day out, not disrupted by the snow this time around!
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A visit to a rainy and windswept Rye in East Sussex meant that after our fish and chip lunch Mum and I only got the chance to see the famous windmill and feed the ducks before heading back home!
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Amongst those I did get the chance to see it was great to catch up with a few of my work buddies!  Sadly one person was a little disappointed with their food that evening though:
Maybe it was his 12" Partridgesque dinner plate that made his desert look so small? Check out:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=swJFOE49LRQ
As it turned out, there are just not enough hours in the day and I wasn't able to get to see everyone that I had wanted to! Most importantly spending the week with Mum meant a lot to both of us. I boarded the flight to Calgary pretty exhausted but happy about the week just passed, and also excited about the prospect of seeing Svan and the next part of our adventure, in the snowy mountains of Fernie, British Columbia - bring it on!!

Monday, 5 December 2011

23. New Zealand

NZ is a place that I, along with many others, have always wanted to visit. Anyone I knew who had been always came back with great memories and stories to tell!  Clearly it’s a long way from the UK so it’s not normally an option for your "average" 2 week holiday!  So what better opportunity would there be to spend an extended break in this amazing country than during my sabbatical?  Having already spent so much time around mountains in Canada and the thermal activities of Yellowstone, our idea was to take in some different experiences that we hadn’t done before but that would still be special and unique to NZ.  We looked forward to seeing its amazing coastline and beaches and to maybe try our hand at one or two “extreme” activities.  We arrived with no clear plan of exactly where the trip would take us, or as it became referred to the “no plan” plan.  Not easy for two compulsive planners!

Upon arrival in Auckland and seeing road signs or looking at a map for the first time it soon became clear that my first challenge would be to actually pronounce some of the Moari town names that we might visit, or to say them without starting to giggle when I read names that contained “Puke” or “Whaka” (pronounced “Fucka”) – more of this later! 



Above is a map of the North Island where we spent all of our time - we never made it further South than Tongariro National Park - there was just simply too much to see and do; here are just a few of our adventures:


1.     Sand boarding in Hokianga Harbour, Opononi (near Kaitaia)

This was a great experience, and one that neither Svan nor I had done before!  Having done the water and snow "thing", sand seemed like the next logical option! 

A few photos from the day
And here is a fun little mini-movie I put together: 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YKpzRmVVxi8

2.     Tongariro Alpine Crossing, Tongariro National Park

The track was closed for a couple of days due to high winds but we finally got to do this hike of nearly 20km (rated as NZ's #1 Day Hike)!  It includes an elevation gain of 800m, before descending back down 1100m.  You get to see glaciers, great volcanic craters and the remains of the last eruption plus thermal pools.  It is truly awesome - one of the best hikes we have done during this entire trip - although very popular with tourists, I would highly recommend it to anyone!  I couldn't say the same for the "Crossing Backpackers" - the youth hostel where we had to stay the night before the hike. Everywhere else was sold out. This is definitely a trip full of 1st time experiences, however the youth hostel experience is one that I don't need to repeat!

Check out the link below for more photos and information from the main site:
http://www.tongarirocrossing.org.nz/
3.     Whitewater rafting on the Rangitaiki River near Rotarua

This 14.5km raft along the Rangitaiki River included Grades 2, 3 and 4 Rapids (Grade 6 being the highest, but these are not commercially raftable in NZ).  It was our first time and a fun experience with a great company called Wet N Wild http://www.wetnwildrafting.co.nz/ There are only a few photos of us waving our paddles on safe waters (below). Most of the 3 hours we were simply holding on to the boat or paddling frantically as instructed to prevent capsizing or worse. A great thrill!


4.     Hole in the Rock Boat Cruise, Paihia, Bay of Islands

This boat trip around the Bay of Islands showed off some of NZ's most beautiful coastline.  The highlight of the trip was going through a hole in a massive rock which isn't always possible. The gap only just fits one boat and the tide/waves can make it very dangerous. Going through was like being on a roller coaster.  An added bonus was a helicoper fly past taking video footage for a marketing video, we felt like we were filmed by the papparazzi!


Check out the link below for my own mini-movie of the day:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kr4J5WXLYS4

5. Kayak Trip to Rangitoto island, Auckland

This was a great one day adventure which started with a 6km kayak across Auckland harbour, dodging various ferries and container ships along the way!  We then hiked to the top of the volcanic island of Rangitoto, had lunch there and enjoyed the magnificent views across the harbour, numerous islands and of course the city itself, before hiking back down and making the return 6km kayak trip.  We were lucky that conditions were supposedly "benign" with waves still up to 3 or 4 feet high at times.  This combined with the fact that Svan was sharing a double kayak with someone (me) who had already capsized twice this year, certainly made her feel a little "uneasy".  I am pleased to say that we made it without any incident apart from having to deal with our rather eccentric guide Graeme who had a habit of telling us to "stay close" before then paddling off into the distance, in spite of our best efforts to keep up!


Svan with views from Rangitoto Island


There was so much to do and we had so much fun, it is difficult to tell all. Some other highlights for me, with cool photos and fun memories from NZ include:
The amazing 100m high sand dunes at Cape Reigna
At Cathedral Cove
Svan at New Chums Beach, rated in the Top 10 Beaches in the World - and it was virtually deserted!
Again at New Chums!


Mountain biking in Whakarewarewa Forest, Rotarua



Svan at the Waikite Hotsprings near Rotarua

Our goodbye party with Patrick, Anna and not forgetting Mauser (Pat's cuddly cat, also known as 'killer')!
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We arrived with only a few ideas of places we wanted to visit, people for Svan to catch up with and things to do.  Let’s make this clear, for 2 “planners” as Svan and I are (clearly me more than her ;) ) we had no formal plan!  Apart from our initial hotel accommodation in Auckland we had nothing booked, we could go wherever our mood took us. Oh yes, this was definitely the “no plan” plan trip.  Strangly enough this 'unplanned' style of travel is not popular in Germany! ;) 

At the first 2 of Svan's social gatherings I had to smile when 2 different guys both commented to me, completely independently, that Svan had not changed after 20 years, and that I must be a “very brave” guy!  Hmmmm who'd have thought it! :)  It’s also amazing the things that come out during these re-unions…  it turns out that Patrick’s pet name for Svan was “Concrete Lembke”!  This was not for her will of iron or core of steel it was for her ability to be able to sleep through virtually anything, from parties in neighbours houses, thunder stroms or even earth tremors!

Patrick was a great guy to hang out with, and he was kind enough to let us stay with him at his place in Titirangi (yep pronounced as it is spelled). He teaches at a local school and we loved his stories of how he has to try and persuade his students not to speak “gangsta” as even though he understands them, the examiner wouldn’t!  Aside from boxing and triathlons his other great sports passion at the moment is stand up paddle. This we also got to try. Our pre-NZ training, ie paddling on the 'floating yellow islands' in Florida, came in handy! The real paddle board was a bit more unstable but way more fun!


We were warned of "Orcas" out in the harbour and that we should not be fooled by any of the “re-branding” - they are "Killer Whales"!  They had that name for many years with good reason, and we should definitely paddle faster should they be spotted. Luckily we survived the day without any large fins in sight.

Me with Patrick

Svan during one of Patrick's boxing classes - she won this fight by KO, and according to Patrick she is heavier than she looks! ...now who is the brave man?

We covered nearly 3500km on our travels during this part of the trip and didn't even reach the South Island!  We travelled to the very tip of the North Island, where at Cape Reigna 2 Oceans meet (the Tasman and the Pacific) and you can literally see waves colliding from two different directions - amazing!  We travelled down as far south as Hawkes Bay and The Tongariro National Park, and visited the Coramandel Peninsula and Bay of Islands and Bay of Plenty.   We ended this trip with more great memories and Svan was able to re-light her friendships with many 'old' pals after being apart from them for so many years on the other side of the globe!  Even with over 4 weeks to spend there was not enough time to see and do everything that NZ has to offer! 

What next? I will be returning to London briefly for my mother's birthday and Svan will visit a friend in Portland .... and then we will finally hit the snow. Our next big adventure will take us back to British Columbia - primarily Fernie in the Canadian Rockies - where we will spend 12 weeks. So watch this space!

...but stay tuned for a bit longer. My quick NZ language guide for the naive traveller such as myself:

1. Do not think this is 'French'
 
It was when I called the hire car company to arrange collection of our car in Auckland when things first started to go wrong!  I advised them that I had a booking to collect a car from a place I referred to as “Manger” which I pronounced similar to the French verb “to eat”.  There was a brief pause then a slight snigger at the other end of the phone. The lady in her broad Kiwi accent then laughed and said oh you mean “Mangere!” (pronounced Man-ger-e).  Apparently in Maori all of the letters in the word are pronounced!  Probably another of the many reasons why NZ is so popular with Germans! ;)

2. Not everything that looks rude is 'rude'

With my very juvenile sense of humour, I was seeing “Puke”s or “Whaka”s (pronounced “Fucka”)  wherever I looked!  Sadly there is no exciting explanation for the word “puke” as in Moari it simply means “hill”, and in spite of extensive research I am unable to find the “Whakamama” to go with “Whakapapa”!

3. Then finally, those "give me a break" words

Some are virtually or completely unpronounceable!   I could at least attempt names such as the “Whakarewarewa” Forest.  This is a beautiful forest of Californian Coastal Redwood trees near Rotarua, but please don’t ask me to say it!  Then there is the Guiness World Record holder for the longest place name in the World, which goes to:  Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateapokaiwhenuakitanatahu

Where do you even start?  I am not sure what the locals were smoking when they named this hill in the Hawke’s Bay area, and for a hill it doesn’t even have “puke” in it!?!